Your personal values are like the beacon in a harbor. They show you the way. They determine which path you will take, and they indicate your life's direction.
Some values help you become better at what you do, light up your life, and the lives of those around you, while others take you back and prevent both you and your loved ones from evolving. There are good and bad values. Values that are direct and that you can control yourself are right. Creativity, sensitivity, respect belong in the category of actual values. Wrong are the values that are indirect and depend on others. These are not controlled by you and are not real. Examples include wanting to be liked by everyone, always being right, or owning the latest iPhone. You can immediately feel the good values inside you, while social norms determine the bad ones.
To find your values, you need to ask yourself some honest and challenging questions that might make you feel uncomfortable. I will use the example of a client of mine, Elpida. It bothers her that she and her partner don't go for a walk with her, especially when he knows how much she enjoys walks. Why does it bother her? Because she feels that he is not interested in her. Why is this true for her? Because that would mean devoting more time to her. And why does that make her unhappy? Because she believes that you are supposed to follow each other for the relationship to be complete when you are a couple. Otherwise, you walk away, and so Elpida wonders if she has chosen the right person to be with.
At this point, please think about how Elpida sees the situation. With whom or what does she compare it? What if she were to change her perspective? Why does she consider one scenario successful and another not? What is the value that affects and negatively colors her relationship?
Is there something that bothers you and makes you feel awkward? Perhaps a failure? Take the time to find what is a priority for you. This value determines your decisions and your life in general.
If there’s a topic you’re interested in and would like to learn more about you may contact me via email. For more information about me and my work check the XpatAthens Directory or visit my website. Because this is your life!